Trends

If it wasn’t for fads, trends and crazes we would never witnessed the meteoric rise and the inevitable demise of wheat grass shots, chardonnay, roller blading, focaccias and the fake hair scrunchie. This month I thought I’d cast an exploratory eye over what’s currently blowing wind up our skirt.

“Once I smash this I’m going to get some 3/4 length cargo pants”

Coconut Water.

It says something about the vanity of this city that while Melbourne is going nutty for European bicycles and craft blogs we’re getting on trend with labiaplasty and coconut water.  (Not necessarily together)

Favoured by celebrities and healthier than red cordial, it’s one of these new fandangled super foods that will give you bowels as functional as Miranda Kerr.

Heralded as a long-standing staple of the pacific diet, then again so were Missionaries for a time.

 

“Not only does Jesus love coconut water but Katy Perry drinks it too!”

Artisan bread

How do you make something simple we eat every day arty? Make it from ancient, unpronounceable grains and make it expensive. Supposedly the Artisan Baker crafts a loaf with love seldom shown by the average vanilla slice maker.

Along with the proliferation of arseless leather chaps, San Francisco can take the blame for this one.

 

Good on ya Mum buy the pricey one!

Noni Juice

Another miracle liquid, Noni Juice is made from the tropical fruit of the Morinda tree, which because it’s far less well known than the banana, one can only surmise that it tastes terrible.

The most popular is sold through a muIti level marketing company and claims to be a packed with antioxidants. At forty-five dollars, it weighs in at the same price as a very decent bottle of red. I know which one I’d be choosing.

Why don’t Patra make this shit?

No booking restaurants

Just like loft apartments and stabbing people on trains this trend has come from New York. Supposedly designed to stop restaurateurs being at the mercy of no shows, diners can have waits of up to two hours plus for a table at establishments like Le Handjobe, Bistro Wankee and El Trendy.

The upside is that on any night, if you get there early enough, you can get into some of the best places to eat in town. The downside? You may have to pass the time dodging petrified vomit and judging junkie fashion while lining up outside.

“If I wait here any longer skinny jeans will be in fashion”

Calm Birth Classes.

Up there with expensive prams on the must do list for pregnant couples, these two days courses prepare you for the pain of childbirth by being excruciatingly boring.

The cornerstone of the movement is that with some deep breathing and positive realisation a baby can be delivered without the need of drugs which is a thoroughly noble idea but I want to sit on an IKEA chair and watch cynical husbands humour their pregnant wives well I’ll got to. …IKEA.

“How much am I paying to be told to touch you?”